3.3 hours playing time on record
| Game | Achievement | Points | Unlocked | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
 |
 |
Early Bird | 1.61 | 06/14/2018 05:43:44 |
| Swallow every worm. | ||||
|
 |
A Better John | 1.00 | 06/14/2018 05:42:31 |
| Start taking responsibility for you actions. | ||||
|
 |
Clumsy | 1.26 | 06/14/2018 05:10:17 |
| Die a lot of times in your nightmares. | ||||
|
 |
Swan Tamer | 1.04 | 06/14/2018 05:00:15 |
| Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill. | ||||
|
 |
Appalling Appetite | 1.73 | 06/14/2018 04:55:27 |
| You should see a doctor immediately. | ||||
|
 |
Popcorn Buffet | 1.42 | 06/14/2018 04:54:24 |
| Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn. | ||||
|
 |
Summer Job | 1.35 | 06/14/2018 04:48:01 |
| Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker. | ||||
|
 |
Fire Inspector | 0.65 | 06/14/2018 04:26:13 |
| Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety. | ||||
|
 |
Go Left | 0.52 | 06/14/2018 04:17:30 |
| Move to the left. | ||||
|
 |
Go Right | 0.52 | 06/14/2018 04:17:27 |
| Move to the right. | ||||
| Game | Achievement | Points | |
|---|---|---|---|
|
 |
Most Improved Tapulator | 1.34 |
| Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu. | |||
|
 |
Meet Your Maker | 1.52 |
| Penetrate God. | |||
|
 |
Sleep No More | 1.66 |
| Don't let sleeping dongs lie. | |||
|
 |
Self Defence | 0.90 |
| Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests. | |||
|
 |
Bulking Gear | 1.64 |
| Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains. | |||
|
 |
Paperwork | 1.61 |
| Submit your monthly physical report. | |||
|
 |
Master Unlocker | 1.46 |
| Collect enough milk to fill the tank. | |||
|
 |
Couch Party | 1.73 |
| Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game. | |||
|
 |
Always Finishes First | 1.18 |
| Good at video games. Terrible at sex. | |||
|
 |
Generous Lover | 0.65 |
| Finish last in a Party Mode game. | |||
|
 |
Spare Wheel | 1.37 |
| Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus. | |||
|
 |
The Perfect Partner | 1.40 |
| Marry yourself in Abstinence. | |||
|
 |
My Precious | 1.51 |
| Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings. | |||
|
 |
Magnetic Basshole | 1.50 |
| Win Lights Out in under five seconds. | |||
|
 |
Safety First | 1.53 |
| Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles. | |||
|
 |
Till Death Do Us | 1.14 |
| Have sex in the Date Night graveyard. | |||
|
 |
Autopaedicatio | 1.23 |
| Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode. | |||
|
 |
Fussy Lover | 1.80 |
| Save yourself for that special orgy. | |||