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Unlocking history of Hassie for Genital Jousting

1.6 hours playing time on record

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	Points	Unlocked
A Better John	1.00	06/28/2018 16:05:10
Start taking responsibility for you actions.	1.00	06/28/2018 16:05:10
Clumsy	1.26	06/28/2018 15:29:38
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.	1.26	06/28/2018 15:29:38
Self Defence	0.90	06/22/2018 11:03:49
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.	0.90	06/22/2018 11:03:49
Summer Job	1.36	06/22/2018 10:53:49
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.	1.36	06/22/2018 10:53:49
Meet Your Maker	1.52	06/22/2018 10:52:17
Penetrate God.	1.52	06/22/2018 10:52:17
Fire Inspector	0.65	06/22/2018 10:30:15
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.	0.65	06/22/2018 10:30:15
Go Left	0.53	06/22/2018 10:23:08
Move to the left.	0.53	06/22/2018 10:23:08
Go Right	0.53	06/22/2018 10:23:06
Move to the right.	0.53	06/22/2018 10:23:06

Game	Achievement		Points
		Most Improved Tapulator	1.35
		Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.	1.35
		Early Bird	1.62
		Swallow every worm.	1.62
		Sleep No More	1.67
		Don't let sleeping dongs lie.	1.67
		Swan Tamer	1.04
		Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.	1.04
		Bulking Gear	1.65
		Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.	1.65
		Paperwork	1.62
		Submit your monthly physical report.	1.62
		Popcorn Buffet	1.43
		Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.	1.43
		Appalling Appetite	1.74
		You should see a doctor immediately.	1.74
		Master Unlocker	1.46
		Collect enough milk to fill the tank.	1.46
		Couch Party	1.74
		Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.	1.74
		Always Finishes First	1.19
		Good at video games. Terrible at sex.	1.19
		Generous Lover	0.66
		Finish last in a Party Mode game.	0.66
		Spare Wheel	1.37
		Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.	1.37
		The Perfect Partner	1.41
		Marry yourself in Abstinence.	1.41
		My Precious	1.51
		Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.	1.51
		Magnetic Basshole	1.51
		Win Lights Out in under five seconds.	1.51
		Safety First	1.53
		Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.	1.53
		Till Death Do Us	1.14
		Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.	1.14
		Autopaedicatio	1.24
		Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.	1.24
		Fussy Lover	1.82
		Save yourself for that special orgy.	1.82