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The 18th Cowboy

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Rank	101604
Achievements	1774 (1255.69 points)
Number of games and DLCs	179
Number of all owning games	Game details not public
Badges	32 (9661 XP)
Member since	March 02, 2013
Total playing time	3875.1 hours
Completion rate	1.5 %
Location	United Kingdom (Great Britain)

Show / hide summary

I was addicted to porn. I remember doing the 'intake test' where they assess whether or not you're actually addicted to porn, and I scored off the chart. I had let porn impact my life negatively, I had ruined relationships, I had a hard time forming intimate relationships, it ruined my productivity, I had started looking at more and more extreme porn, and was masturbating several times a day. Fortunately (I guess) I was a high functioning addict.

I started seeing a $200/hour therapist, who I've been seeing for the last two years. Here is what I have learned:

all addictions, porn included, are a way of coping with pain. If you find yourself struggling with porn, chances are you're struggling with pain. It's not always the case (and I'm not a therapist), but you should take some time to be introspective and think about what might be hurting you. For me, it was the constant feeling of inadequacy, especially when I was young. Porn was something that made me feel 'wanted' - I felt like I was being affirmed by the women I was looking at, which gave me a great personal boost.

don't try to fight your desire to look at porn - be curious instead. If you fight things, you'll end up eventually losing will power, and you'll will likely revert to your old behavior. You shouldn't try to fight the urge - instead, when it comes up, be 'curious' - ask yourself, "why am I feeling this? What is triggering me to feel these urges? What just happened? Where am I emotionally right now?" What you will find is that more often than not, there is a pattern that emerges when you're feeling that 'urge' - for me, it was a few specific patterns: first, when I wanted to be comforted, such as before bed, or when I was upset. Second, when I was feeling especially frustrated or 'stuck' - whether with work, personal projects (losing at something), or anything else - porn was something I always felt 'good at'. There were clear patterns that emerged for me, which made it a good starting place to drill into 'why'

after being curious, ask for space temporarily. It helps to close your eyes and use your mind to envision what the 'porn requester' is - it could be a person, a thing, something of relevance to you - and ask it for a bit of space. You're not saying never, and you don't need to commit to never right now - just ask for a little space for right now. For me, I have a vivid memory of the first time I looked at porn. I would frequently 'talk' to that younger version of me, and tell him that it was okay, but that we were going to take a break. It sounds weird, but it works.

remove temptation as much as you can. There are some practical parts here and more tactical items: put parental controls on everything you can, ask someone to lock you out (and put on a password). Remove access as much as you can to make it easier on yourself. If you get close to a slip up, but can't easily access porn, you'll have a much better success rate. It's like eating healthy: get rid of all the junk food in your house.

personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living" - simply by looking at yourself, and wondering if this habit of porn is good for you (and in this case, good for me), is a massive first step. It won't always be up, and it won't always be easy, but choosing to be better is the first and most important step.

Finally, and one of the things that hit me the hardest, is to remember that you are valuable. Not because of what you can do, not because of what you have accomplished, not because of any reason except for that you are you - and you are a valuable person. Never forget that, and never stop working on yourself. You are a valuable person, and you deserve the best in life. I hope this post is helpful, and I'm happy to answer any questions if anyone has any.

Achievements

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Game		#	Unlocked achievements				Locked achievements
			Current best	#	Points	%	Next easiest	#	Points	%
	10 Second Ninja	30	0.6193901896	10	4.98	33.3	0.6001287103	20	19.38	66.7
	7 Days to Die	43	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2377909124	43	31.96	100
	AdVenture Capitalist	31	0.7772567272	19	8.97	61.3	0.6391251683	12	10.64	38.7
	Alien Swarm	66	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1596449912	66	57.74	100
	Alien: Isolation	50	1.1504769325	16	8.12	32	0.6663041115	34	31.69	68
	America's Army: Proving Grounds	100	-1	0	0.00	2	0.9820573330	100-2	187.66	100
	Amnesia: The Dark Descent	18	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1216686964	18	29.29	100
	Arma 3	47	1.7347152233	25	24.84	53.2	0.5302579403	22	36.75	46.8
	Arma 3 Apex	18	1.4842580557	5	3.48	27.8	0.2403462827	13	17.85	72.2
	Arma 3 Helicopters	8	0.9413488507	1	0.94	12.5	1.2112802267	7	9.42	87.5
	Arma 3 Karts	5	0.7619865537	2	1.42	40	1.3497594595	3	4.14	60
	Arma 3 Marksmen	7	1.3222066164	5	5.10	71.4	1.1667640209	2	2.59	28.6
	Ascend: Hand of Kul	30	0.7559174299	6	3.63	20	0.8183679581	24	33.57	80
	Assetto Corsa	276	1.6189312935	15	16.35	5.4	0.6342009306	261	464.59	94.6
	Assetto Corsa - Dream Pack 1	36	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1226682663	36	43.87	100
	BattleBlock Theater	30	0.6874206662	15	6.84	50	0.5334350467	15	18.84	50
	Besiege	36	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6155937314	36	57.76	100
	Betrayer	21	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0432281494	21	27.02	100
	The Binding of Isaac	60	0.6323199868	18	7.33	30	0.5744921565	42	36.18	70
	BioShock 2	60	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8212754726	60	87.57	100
	BioShock 2 Remastered	45	-1	0	0.00	6.7	0.9024211168	45-3	60.11	100
	BioShock Infinite	50	0.7215744257	15	6.34	30	0.1834537089	35	26.68	70
	BioShock Remastered	65	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5141272545	65	75.14	100
	Borderlands 2	50	0.7104941607	33	11.29	66	0.6238238215	17	15.37	34
	Borderlands 2 - Captain Scarlett and her Pirate's Booty	3	0.0045323130	1	0.00	33.3	0.5342242122	2	1.08	66.7
	Borderlands 2: Mr. Torgue’s Campaign of Carnage	3	0.0129715744	1	0.01	33.3	0.3661055863	2	0.97	66.7
	Borderlands 2: Sir Hammerlock’s Big Game Hunt	3	0.0059170248	1	0.01	33.3	0.4081543684	2	0.87	66.7
	Borderlands 2: Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep	10	0.3394956887	6	0.85	60	0.2969196439	4	1.87	40
	Brawlhalla	57	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3742574751	57	72.23	100
	Castle Crashers	12	0.9872671962	6	3.69	50	0.9506338835	6	7.86	50
	Chivalry: Medieval Warfare	49	1.4645605087	11	10.36	22.4	0.6518851519	38	49.90	77.6
	Cities: Skylines	35	1.0800201893	13	7.30	37.1	0.6539242864	22	26.02	62.9
	Cities: Skylines - After Dark	4	0.8609291315	1	0.86	25	0.8530113101	3	3.29	75
	Cities: Skylines - Snowfall	11	0.2108892500	3	0.39	27.3	0.8887616396	8	9.14	72.7
	Clicker Heroes	111	0.1939589679	7	0.91	6.3	0.1255545467	104	74.11	93.7
	CONSORTIUM 2014	39	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1713510752	39	77.72	100
	Counter-Strike 2	1	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0316538811	1	1.03	100
	Counter-Strike: Source	147	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2141370922	147	121.26	100
	DARK SOULS™ III	43	0.5569778681	29	9.35	67.4	0.3987860680	14	10.68	32.6
	DARK SOULS™: Prepare To Die Edition	41	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2348371744	41	33.25	100
	Darksiders	43	0.8937427402	2	1.58	4.7	0.5108492374	41	44.88	95.3
	Darksiders II	50	0.9710052609	22	15.49	48	0.6348304749	28-2	34.42	52
	Darksiders Warmastered Edition	43	1.0936831236	5	4.47	11.6	0.9528169036	38	49.52	88.4
	Day of Defeat: Source	54	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6896562576	54	71.58	100
	Dead Island: Epidemic	54	-1	0	0.00	100	0.4592009187	54-54	92.63	100
	Defy Gravity	8	0.6073152423	2	1.09	25	0.7555708289	6	6.33	75
	Depth	40	1.1554952860	8	4.46	20	0.5978814960	32	33.15	80
	DiRT 3 Complete Edition	60	1.4278466702	18	18.38	30	1.1591858864	42	67.83	70
	Dirty Bomb	77	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5396723151	77	122.36	100
	Dishonored	50	0.7915100455	16	7.75	32	0.3314513862	34	29.21	68
	DOOM	39	0.6706615090	17	6.14	43.6	0.4124134481	22	23.93	56.4
	Duck Game	18	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2975103557	18	20.10	100
	Dying Light	53	0.7938466072	24	6.13	45.3	0.3369003832	29	21.62	54.7
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim	50	0.5947704315	34	11.95	68	0.3274620771	16	9.84	32
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Dawnguard	10	0.8401614428	1	0.84	10	0.2936924696	9	5.19	90
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Dragonborn	10	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2661989033	10	5.82	100
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Hearthfire	5	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3185524642	5	2.84	100
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Special Edition	75	0.8138466477	3	1.45	4	0.4094732702	72	66.94	96
	Euro Truck Simulator 2	29	0.6573072076	7	2.63	24.1	0.3946850896	22	21.06	75.9
	The Forest	45	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1530068517	45	37.32	100
	Fractured Space	34	-1	0	0.00	0	1.3608694077	34	70.86	100
	Game Dev Tycoon	35	0.6202712655	19	5.44	54.3	0.3872343302	16	14.84	45.7
	Garry's Mod	29	0.2861851156	4	0.58	13.8	0.3010156751	25	26.27	86.2
	Gear Up	27	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4764933884	27	33.73	100
	Goat Simulator	49	1.0831757784	9	4.79	18.4	0.3132170141	40	35.39	81.6
	Goat Simulator: MMO Simulator	23	0.3874754608	4	1.00	17.4	0.4428269565	19	13.79	82.6
	Grand Theft Auto V	77	0.2551183999	6	0.99	7.8	0.1785629690	71	52.72	92.2
	Grey Goo	35	2.1324579716	15	23.58	60	1.8178735971	20-6	49.69	40
	Guardians of Orion (Phase 2)	7	-1	0	0.00	0	1.2324737310	7	9.59	100
	Guns of Icarus Online	849	1.5858620405	14	12.36	1.6	0.8965655565	835	2530.91	98.4
	Half-Life 2	33	0.7367182374	10	4.36	30.3	0.4351278543	23	16.32	69.7
	Half-Life 2: Episode One	13	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5471392870	13	10.42	100
	Half-Life 2: Episode Two	23	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4471658468	23	17.46	100
	Half-Life 2: Update	33	0.6599071026	3	1.70	9.1	0.6632906199	30	28.00	90.9
	Hammerwatch	38	0.4906935096	2	0.96	5.3	0.7078762054	36	53.94	94.7
	Homeworld Remastered Collection	34	1.4911375046	22	20.93	64.7	1.1202530861	12	15.03	35.3
	Hydrophobia: Prophecy	13	0.5584760904	1	0.56	7.7	0.7069290876	12	14.23	92.3
	Insurgency	100	1.9931060076	59	69.95	59	1.3861440420	41	75.24	41
	Interstellar Marines	28	1.9245223999	6	8.07	21.4	1.7372469902	22	49.45	78.6
	Kingdom Rush	74	1.0123749971	69	44.20	93.2	1.0530198812	5	6.01	6.8
	Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning™	50	0.5845858455	5	2.04	10	0.4638381600	45	42.10	90
	Left 4 Dead	73	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3381468356	73	60.72	100
	Left 4 Dead 2	101	0.6683267355	3	1.40	3	0.1573088020	98	103.56	97
	Loadout	28	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4647953212	28	39.83	100
	The Lord of the Rings: War in the North	46	1.2258373499	35	29.96	76.1	0.9359122515	11	15.98	23.9
	Magicka	52	0.3220466375	13	2.73	25	0.2763920724	39	36.48	75
	March of War	42	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0502989292	42	96.49	100
	Max Payne 3	46	0.7952030897	10	5.18	21.7	0.4061045349	36	43.07	78.3
	Men of War: Assault Squad	110	1.3660244942	7	6.60	6.4	1.0589364767	103	191.19	93.6
	Men of War: Vietnam	22	-1	0	0.00	0	1.3649159670	22	41.52	100
	Meridian: New World	83	1.6096612215	2	2.57	2.4	1.2501593828	81	179.59	97.6
	Metro 2033	48	0.6270191669	2	0.98	4.2	0.6994972229	46	57.19	95.8
	Metro 2033 Redux	49	1.0878661871	21	12.85	42.9	0.5046872497	28	28.15	57.1
	Metro: Last Light Complete Edition	50	1.3993847370	21	16.15	42	0.6624264717	29	34.70	58
	Metro: Last Light - Faction Pack	6	0.0992311761	1	0.10	16.7	0.1023257449	5	1.25	83.3
	Metro: Last Light Redux	49	1.0914281607	12	7.66	24.5	0.4532458186	37	32.16	75.5
	Middle-earth™: Shadow of Mordor™	51	0.9711007476	26	10.05	51	0.2892661095	25	17.07	49
	Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor - The Bright Lord	10	0.1552646160	2	0.17	20	0.2116362303	8	3.40	80
	Mount & Blade: Warband	80	1.1696999073	36	23.59	45	0.6195920706	44	47.49	55
	No More Room in Hell	114	0.4429019988	1	0.44	0.9	0.5575782657	113	206.37	99.1
	Nuclear Dawn	58	1.1395726204	5	3.86	8.6	0.6793588996	53	85.11	91.4
	ORION: Prelude	251	2.2027938366	111	157.60	44.2	0.9852368236	140	288.45	55.8
	Path of Exile	127	0.8940952420	12	6.67	9.4	0.6259360313	115	136.50	90.6
	PAYDAY 2	701	1.0835517645	43	23.67	6.1	0.4945284128	658	776.31	93.9
	PAYDAY 2: Armored Transport	48	0.1605039984	1	0.16	2.1	0.2075098753	47	27.61	97.9
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Mod Courier	10	0.1097767428	1	0.11	10	0.0151920458	9	1.86	90
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Shotgun Pack	12	0.2726627290	2	0.31	16.7	0.2291387320	10	4.18	83.3
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Sniper Pack	17	0.0868375078	1	0.09	5.9	0.1563803554	16	5.91	94.1
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Weapon Pack #02	10	0.6434945464	4	1.81	40	0.5375338793	6	4.32	60
	PAYDAY 2: Hotline Miami	12	0.4047759175	1	0.40	8.3	0.0573233515	11	3.62	91.7
	PAYDAY 2: The Big Bank Heist	20	0.3197943866	2	0.41	10	0.1187653095	18	9.61	90
	PAYDAY 2: The Charlie Santa Heist	15	0.4521527588	3	1.12	20	0.2004663050	12	5.36	80
	PAYDAY 2: The Death Wish Update	31	0.7693829536	28	14.37	90.3	0.6227096319	3	1.98	9.7
	PAYDAY 2: The Election Day Heist	16	0.3267932832	1	0.33	6.3	0.1362531334	15	5.65	93.8
	PAYDAY 2: The Hoxton Breakout Heist	6	0.4885373712	3	0.79	50	0.2504979968	3	0.91	50
	PAYDAY 2: The Infamy Update	25	0.2298244834	5	0.70	20	0.2926659286	20	8.50	80
	PAYDAY 2: The Shadow Raid Heist	12	0.1983343512	3	0.40	25	0.1916194558	9	2.80	75
	PAYDAY: The Heist	48	0.4977390468	4	1.52	8.3	0.7877094150	44	60.03	91.7
	Planetary Annihilation	19	1.9641133547	13	19.75	68.4	2.0385308266	6	13.13	31.6
	Portal	15	0.1846341044	1	0.18	6.7	0.2538070679	14	10.61	93.3
	Portal 2	51	0.7093195319	15	4.57	29.4	0.3415656388	36	27.10	70.6
	Portal Stories: Mel	28	0.2619232535	1	0.26	3.6	0.2825024724	27	23.84	96.4
	POSTAL 2	69	0.9345340729	9	4.64	13	0.4606468976	60	58.70	87
	Project CARS	45	1.7050971985	9	8.47	20	0.6530796289	36	62.19	80
	Quake Live	58	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6512430906	58	99.59	100
	Race The Sun	25	0.8218430281	4	2.43	16	0.6642615795	21	33.11	84
	Realm of the Mad God Exalt	31	0.6252825260	6	2.68	19.4	0.5584144592	25	35.38	80.6
	Rising Storm/Red Orchestra 2 Multiplayer	140	2.5830125809	35	41.71	41.4	0.8944419622	105-23	217.57	58.6
	Rocket League	72	0.4495280087	31	5.05	43.1	0.2039124519	41	25.68	56.9
	ROCKETSROCKETSROCKETS	36	-1	0	0.00	0	0.7257771492	36	59.59	100
	Sanctum	79	1.7571496964	11	10.25	13.9	0.4612420201	68	105.33	86.1
	Sanctum 2	43	1.1669386625	10	6.56	23.3	1.0771392584	33	58.11	76.7
	Serious Sam 3: BFE	61	0.9375987053	7	3.98	11.5	0.3923944235	54	61.40	88.5
	Serious Sam Classics: Revolution	42	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9201514125	42	78.10	100
	Serious Sam Double D XXL	30	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8171958923	30	44.62	100
	Serious Sam HD: The First Encounter	35	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3748628795	35	57.71	100
	Serious Sam HD: The Second Encounter	70	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6635760665	70	118.65	100
	Sid Meier's Civilization V	118	0.8838686943	13	3.27	11	0.1985419989	105	109.56	89
	Sid Meier's Civilization V: Brave New World	60	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3927923739	60	75.70	100
	Sid Meier's Civilization V: Gods and Kings	51	0.0633351952	2	0.07	3.9	0.1221759990	49	60.88	96.1
	Sniper Elite V2	41	1.5289508104	30	21.24	73.2	0.8617733121	11	16.80	26.8
	Space Engineers	29	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5584853292	29	48.61	100
	Spec Ops: The Line	50	0.3435712159	1	0.34	2	0.3651936352	49	35.94	98
	Squad	2	-1	0	0.00	100	3.5255672932	2-2	3.53	100
	Squishy the Suicidal Pig	11	-1	0	0.00	0	1.5975869894	11	19.48	100
	Star Conflict	213	1.8594613075	36	42.86	16.9	1.0557923317	177	339.47	83.1
	Strike Suit Infinity	16	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9447754622	16	25.15	100
	Styx: Master of Shadows	33	0.7288470268	2	1.39	6.1	0.8639594316	31	36.00	93.9
	Super Hexagon	6	1.2556920052	6	5.60	100	100	0	0.00	0
	Super Meat Boy	48	0.5839861035	3	1.15	6.3	0.6836671829	45	65.51	93.8
	Surgeon Simulator	72	0.8913277984	9	4.12	12.5	0.4448807240	63	84.63	87.5
	Survarium	73	-1	0	0.00	100	0.7517762184	73-73	119.72	100
	Team Fortress 2	520	0.6365255117	11	3.37	2.9	0.2455784678	509-4	359.96	97.1
	Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Phantoms - EU	57	1.3245520592	3	3.10	100	0.7773959041	54-54	108.79	0
	Torchlight II	119	0.4155382216	20	4.74	16.8	0.2091998756	99	91.67	83.2
	Total War: EMPIRE - Definitive Edition	30	0.5877432227	2	0.97	6.7	0.8014034629	28	41.78	93.3
	Total War: SHOGUN 2	106	1.8816684484	24	27.27	22.6	0.9508841634	82	141.18	77.4
	Total War: WARHAMMER	135	1.8186773062	70	62.08	51.9	0.6142644882	65	86.43	48.1
	Total War: WARHAMMER - Chaos Warriors	8	0.4417014420	4	0.81	50	0.5583201051	4	3.41	50
	Total War: WARHAMMER - Realm of The Wood Elves	10	1.0264797211	7	2.65	70	0.6484145522	3	2.92	30
	Trove	19	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9082638025	19	30.04	100
	Unreal Tournament 3: Black Edition	57	0.9350468516	3	2.11	5.3	1.0174838305	54	91.19	94.7
	Unturned	72	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3174893260	72	97.79	100
	Verdun	59	1.9600592852	33	42.08	55.9	1.4908448458	26	54.60	44.1
	VVVVVV	19	1.4798129797	2	2.78	10.5	1.0277940035	17	31.10	89.5
	War Thunder	82	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5010325313	82	135.88	100
	Warface: Clutch	67	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0339552164	67	169.89	100
	Warframe	193	0.9973747730	111	70.43	58.5	0.6207084060	82-2	93.10	41.5
	Wargame: European Escalation	29	1.1025178432	6	5.52	20.7	1.3351404667	23	39.75	79.3
	Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide	88	0.9639119506	27	15.75	30.7	0.8231931925	61	104.24	69.3
	Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide Last Stand	6	0.2674647570	2	0.53	33.3	0.8317074180	4	4.53	66.7
	WildStar	142	0.7952545285	4	2.45	2.8	0.7484556437	138	240.72	97.2
	The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition	52	1.1502176523	34	26.16	65.4	0.7626633644	18	20.34	34.6
	The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt	52	1.1336797476	43	24.48	82.7	0.7912808657	9	9.04	17.3
	The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Blood and Wine	13	0.3523831666	10	1.93	76.9	0.5572981834	3	1.74	23.1
	The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Hearts of Stone	13	0.6605666876	9	3.10	69.2	0.3263232112	4	1.97	30.8
	World of Guns: Gun Disassembly	42	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1899966449	42	50.87	100
	Yet Another Zombie Defense	18	0.3908663690	2	0.76	11.1	0.4285573065	16	14.11	88.9
	Zigfrak	2	-1	0	0.00	100	3.1978454590	2-2	6.57	100

Profile was last updated on October 05, 2022 at 06:09 AM.

Next automatic update on May 24, 2024 at 01:40 PM.